Five Ridiculous Melbourne Wedding Traditions We Just Invented

Five Ridiculous Melbourne Wedding Traditions We Just Invented

Melbourne prides itself on being Australia’s cultural capital – we’ve given the world exceptional coffee, laneways covered in ever-changing street art, and the most confusing hook turn in the southern hemisphere. So why shouldn’t we have our own set of wedding traditions that scream “Melbourne” louder than a Collingwood supporter at the MCG?

Here are five gloriously Melbourne wedding traditions that I’ve completely made up but firmly believe couples should embrace immediately:

1. The Tram Toast

Forget fancy wedding cars – true Melbourne couples should hire a private tram for their post-ceremony transport. The “Tram Toast” involves the entire wedding party standing and balancing precariously while the tram rattles around a corner, raising glasses without spilling a drop.

Legend has it that any couple who completes the Tram Toast without ending up in a heap on the floor will never argue about which route to take home. Bonus points if an uninformed tourist accidentally boards your wedding tram and spends the next 40 minutes awkwardly pretending they meant to join a wedding reception.

2. The Four Seasons Photoshoot

In honour of Melbourne’s famously unpredictable weather, couples should attempt to capture four distinct weather conditions in their wedding photos – all on the same day.

This tradition usually happens naturally without any planning whatsoever. Your ceremony will be bathed in glorious sunshine, followed by a light drizzle during canapés, gale-force winds for your bridal party photos, and then a balmy evening that makes everyone question why they brought jackets. The resulting photo album will be confusing to everyone who wasn’t there, which is exactly how Melburnians like it.

3. The Coffee Cup Exchange

Instead of unity candles or sand ceremonies, Melbourne couples perform the sacred Coffee Cup Exchange. The couple visits their favourite barista the morning of the wedding, who prepares their usual orders in ceramic keepsake cups.

During the ceremony, they exchange these cups, taking sips from each other’s preferred brew, symbolising their acceptance of each other’s questionable coffee orders. The celebrant then pronounces the ultimate blessing: “May your love be as strong as a South Melbourne Market dim sim and as enduring as the queue outside Hardware Société.”

4. The Lane(way) of Honour

After the ceremony, guests form a “Lane(way) of Honour” by creating a path adorned with street art-inspired decorations. Friends and family hold up mini-reproductions of iconic Melbourne street art featuring the couple’s faces inexplicably painted as Weeping Women or as part of Hosier Lane’s ever-changing landscape.

The couple runs through this makeshift laneway while guests toss coffee beans instead of confetti. Not only environmentally friendly, but the scent creates a sensory experience that says “I do” and “Would you like a magic with that?” simultaneously.

5. The Great Footy Cake Divide

Melbourne’s legendary AFL rivalries are acknowledged at the reception with the Great Footy Cake Divide. The wedding cake is decorated half in one team’s colours, half in another, representing the couple’s (or their families’) footy allegiances.

Cutting the cake becomes a symbolic moment where they promise to support each other despite questionable team loyalties. Guests from opposing teams are seated together at reception tables named after controversial umpiring decisions, ensuring lively dinner conversation regardless of how good the speeches are.

While none of these traditions actually exist (yet), I genuinely believe embracing even one of these would make your Melbourne wedding instantly iconic. The beauty of traditions is that they all start somewhere – usually with one couple brave enough to try something different.

So if you’re planning a Melbourne wedding and implement any of these magnificent traditions, please tag me in the photos. I’ll be the one watching with pride as our fair city develops wedding customs as unique as its hook turns and as unpredictable as its weather.

Just remember: as with all great Melbourne experiences, the most important tradition is pretending you knew about these traditions before anyone else did.

Photo by Daniel Pelaez Duque on Unsplash